folie

At the end of yoga class, we lie in savasana, or 'corpse pose' -- laid out all pretty with our palms turned up and our legs neatly turned out.  Well, not my legs.  One of them sits perfect and pretty while the other one flops messily out to the side like a frog leg.  No amount of willing it straight or trying to rotate my hips to align it correctly have made it so.

So, this got me thinking....

Corpses don't ever look like that.  I've seen plenty of corpses.  Yeah, I'm kind of a sicko.  You know those assholes who hear about deaths caught on camera or video and hop on Google to try to find them?  I'm one of them.

I used to want to die from a freefall -- the failed attempt at flight.  On TV and it the movies, jumpers are seen splayed out in the street or on the hood of a car in savasana or the perfect chalk outline pose, with a dainty little trickle of blood running from the mouth.

In real life, the body bursts open.  Often, the eyes pop out.  More often, the intestines and brains pop out, leaving the body in a puddle of fluid that's just as yellow as it is red and is scattered with yellow and white spongy bits.   Pieces of the skull are smash off and end up feet away from the rest of the body.  Limbs twist and turn and bend like the bones have been removed.

And all this is what goes through my head when the wordless voices and flutes fill the dark yoga studio with thick, heavy hippy love, and everyone else is chatting with their power animals in their caves.  I pretend my body has just hit the ground and exploded into a liquid mess, my broken fingers fondle my entrails and my eye watches from the pavement a couple inches from my foot.  I contemplate bending my neck unnaturally, flopping my arm under my own body, and contorting my face into an expression of horror just to make the pose more accurate.  Then the bell rings, signaling the end of the meditation.

Maybe next time.

While we're still on the subject of me, I made it into a treasury on Etsy today.  If you click on this link, you can take a look at the Ode to Chlorophyll.  My piece is the little amigurumi chicken in the lower right corner.  The more you click, the more chance I have of making it to the front page.  You don't even have to be an Etsy member.

Also, I take chlorophyll supplements.  I hope to one day be able to make my own food by laying out in the sun.